July 9, 2014

ReBoot
Process precedes purpose.  Usually when you undertake a task you begin with a purpose.  Let's say you feel like throwing a dinner party.  That is your purpose.  You then figure out who you'd like to invite.  You consider the tastes of the invitees and plan a menu.  That is the process for achieving your purpose.  This is not how things are working out as we plan our travels.  We committed to going on the trip based upon our agreement that it seemed, intuitively, a good thing to do.  I started reading travel books, we talked a lot to other travelers and each other.  All of this process is refining and redefining our purpose for making this trip.

Life seems like and endless stream of connections to things and people which often result in myriad commitments.  Take the garbage out Monday evening, pay the bills Friday morning, get together with this friend because it's been too long, exercise, don't forget to do something fun this weekend, call your sister....  As soon as we check off one thing on our list two things replace it.  This is not to say that this river of things we need to do is necessarily bad or stressful.  Actually it fills our days and as we age we get better at organizing the flow and even, at times, turning our backs to it for a short time.  It sure does make time pass quickly though.  The years tick by like street lights as you drive down the highway.

Planning this trip has made it necessary to get rid of all these day to day commitments and doing that has shown a light on just how complicated we have let our lives become.  It is a hell of a lot of work and my brain aches some days from trying to think of all the things I have to arrange so that once I leave I will be essentially unencumbered.  It is also cathartic.  I find increasing joy in throwing things away.  These things are both material and emotional.  I am throwing away junk that I hoarded and responsibilities that I also collected with no clear purpose or intent.   The plan is, when I arrive on that foreign shore, I will have no list of things I need to do beyond day to day survival.

I am not sure how good I will be at living without to-do lists driving my day.  Will it be excruciatingly boring?  Will I become sick of myself when I lack diversions?  I expect the flow of time will change.  I am prepared to assume a more turtle like disposition and let the waves of life flow over me, remaining passive but alert.  It's an experiment and, if you follow these muses maybe you will find out the results.